I haven't blogged in over a week because I was distracted with other things, and frankly didn't feel like writing. I am not sure I even feel like it now. I am sad. And my heart hurts. Yet...am over-joyed and humbled.
I guess lets start with the sad. My great aunt was in the hospital, and it terrified me. I was afraid of losing her. She is home now, thankfully, yet still weak. I am not sure I have insurance afterall. When I called to get the policy number the lady said she needed to call and check on my status. She never called me back. I do not have time to mess around! I have an appointment next Tuesday with the neurosurgeon. I have waited a month to get in! I NEED this insurance!! My dad found out tonight that the company he works for is shutting down in June. He was going to pay for my insurance since I can't afford it. Now? Who knows! He doesn't know yet if they will keep him until June. I am trying not to be discouraged, but I admit that I am struggling!
So for over-joyed and humbled. My church had a benefit breakfast Sunday morning to raise money to help with my surgery. They are also doing a fish fry benefit on the 14th, next Wednesday, for the same purpose. Wow! That's amazing to me. I have never felt so loved by my church family or by God. He is still teaching me and growing me. And I am in awe daily. So I have a lot to be thankful for, yet it is a struggle at times still. I am just tired of hurting, and being in bed. It is making me crazy! Ah well, such is life, right?
It is cold here, too, and rainy. I love the cold, always have. Love curling up in a warm bed with a good book and hot cocoa. I love Christmas. I love celebrating my Saviors birth. Love trees, lights, and giving! :) Yet, the cold makes my back, hip and leg hurt worse! The pain is intensified, and I don't like that. Must figure out how to better deal with it!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Through The Chaos Called Life...
Wow! Did today just really happen like that? Yeah, it is after 1am, but since I haven't been to sleep yet, it is still Friday to me. Today...was interesting. To say the least.
I woke about nine in pretty severe pain in my back, left hip and leg..and also to the sound of two kids running up and down the hallway, both giggling, and one screaming whenever he felt like it. To be honest, the screaming was making me want to pull my hair out one strand at a time. It irritated me even more that my brother was sitting in the living room doing nothing about it. Of course, I am unsure why I thought he would, he has never disciplined his son here, yet claims to at home. I'm doubtful. My neice on the other hand does get disciplined because my sister and brother in law thankfully have rules and expectations for her to follow.
As the day went on, I grew increasingly more irritated by the screaming, but knew I couldn't really say anything. I was in my room most of the day anyhow because I have hurt so much today. I just felt bad for my neice because I know it is confusing for her when she is told not to do something, yet her cousin can still do it. At the same time, I must commend my sister and brother in law for being consistent in their discipline of her. That speaks volumes to me about their parenting abilities (this coming from the lady with no kids of her own). :)
Later in the day my brother in law went up into the attic to hook up a tv for my room. His foot slipped off a beam and he sort of fell through the ceiling in the living room. There is a fairly good size hole that he temporarily patched up. The main concern to me, and I know to my sister was if he was injured. And thankfully, aside from some scrapes, he is perfectly fine. My dad is ticked, as if my brother in law purposefully fell through the ceiling. Geez! :/ Weird!
Then my brother blamed my 5 year old neice for "allowing" his 2 1/2 year old son to climb the attic ladder. As if it is her responsibility to watch him?! Seriously, dude, get a life! That makes me sad. I guess, in a way, I had grand illusions that things were different, because yesterday went so well. I should have known, though. This always happens.
I am supremely thankful that even through all the chaos..God still loves me. :)
Until next time...
I woke about nine in pretty severe pain in my back, left hip and leg..and also to the sound of two kids running up and down the hallway, both giggling, and one screaming whenever he felt like it. To be honest, the screaming was making me want to pull my hair out one strand at a time. It irritated me even more that my brother was sitting in the living room doing nothing about it. Of course, I am unsure why I thought he would, he has never disciplined his son here, yet claims to at home. I'm doubtful. My neice on the other hand does get disciplined because my sister and brother in law thankfully have rules and expectations for her to follow.
As the day went on, I grew increasingly more irritated by the screaming, but knew I couldn't really say anything. I was in my room most of the day anyhow because I have hurt so much today. I just felt bad for my neice because I know it is confusing for her when she is told not to do something, yet her cousin can still do it. At the same time, I must commend my sister and brother in law for being consistent in their discipline of her. That speaks volumes to me about their parenting abilities (this coming from the lady with no kids of her own). :)
Later in the day my brother in law went up into the attic to hook up a tv for my room. His foot slipped off a beam and he sort of fell through the ceiling in the living room. There is a fairly good size hole that he temporarily patched up. The main concern to me, and I know to my sister was if he was injured. And thankfully, aside from some scrapes, he is perfectly fine. My dad is ticked, as if my brother in law purposefully fell through the ceiling. Geez! :/ Weird!
Then my brother blamed my 5 year old neice for "allowing" his 2 1/2 year old son to climb the attic ladder. As if it is her responsibility to watch him?! Seriously, dude, get a life! That makes me sad. I guess, in a way, I had grand illusions that things were different, because yesterday went so well. I should have known, though. This always happens.
I am supremely thankful that even through all the chaos..God still loves me. :)
Until next time...
Friday, November 25, 2011
A Very Different Thanksgiving Day
Today was a thanksgiving like none before! When I was little we always went to my Grandparents on Thanksgiving day. Then we began going there the Saturday before, and still do that. Because of that change my dad started cooking a big meal here and my siblings, their spouses and I would gather here. Today, though, my dad went to have lunch with his girlfriend and her family. He is cooking his big meal tomorrow. So my sister made a ham with all the yummy sides, and I walked next door to join them and my brother. My brother in law made a pallette on the floor for me since I can't really sit up long at all. We had a great time talking and laughing, and watching my 5 year old neice and 2 1/2 year old nephew play together. They don't see each other often because my brother lives in Oklahoma. But they love playing together, and wear one another out. I love listening to their laughter as they chase each other. I am so thankful for both of them. And for my very different, but fun thanksgiving day. :)
Praise God for the wonderful blessings He has given me.
Until next time...
Praise God for the wonderful blessings He has given me.
Until next time...
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Many Things To Be Thankful For
Today isn't Thanksgiving. It is Thanksgiving Eve. So some people wonder why I go on about what I am thankful for, when it isn't "the day" to be thankful. And I find that to be silly! We should have an attitude of gratitude every day, not just one day a year! I have been posting daily on FB something I am thankful for, and I am a little bummed that November is almost over, so those posts will stop. However, it has changed me inside, and I have a much more thankful spirit because of it. I plan to still post what I am thankful for. It may or may not be daily, and it may or may not be in the same form. I have yet to decide. However, I felt the desire to post a list of things I am thankful for here, as they come to mind. Who knows how long or short it will be. So, here goes!
I am thankful for...
1. My God who sent His son to die for my sins, and the sins of all the world.
2. The love and grace Jesus extends to me daily.
3. The answered prayers and miracles I have witnessed.
4. Forgiveness that only God could provide!
5. Continued blessings from God.
6. My sister who is wise beyond her years, and who has always been there for me in times of trouble.
7. My beautiful neice who is full of love, laughter, and sunshine. She rocks my world! :)
8. Almost 18 years with the best mom ever! She taught me so much, and shaped who I am today. I love you and miss you, Mom!
9. Loving Grandparents who taught me how to live for Christ.
10. My great aunt, Rayme, who has always been there for me and prayed for me even when I turned my back on her.
11. Teachers and college professors that truly cared if their students succeeded.
12. My all time best friend, who despite the miles that seperate us always makes sure I know she cares. :)
13. All my other friends who have taught me how to trust again.
14. The promise beautiful rainbows bring.
15. A sky full of bright stars.
16. The way a full moon lights your way in the dark.
17. The miracle of how leaves change colors in the Fall.
18. The magnificent colors displayed in a sunrise and sunset, and how no two are the same.
19. The privilege of reading the Bible to my neice.
20. The opportunity to work in a christian environment with my cousin.
21. The calm I feel in a warm bath!
22. The freedom to worship my God how I want, where I want, and when I want.
23. The privilege to teach young children during their formative years.
24. The gift of the Bible!
25. The awesome task of sharing Christ with others
I will stop there, for now. Yet this is in no way a complete list. I would write for the rest of my life if I tried to make an exhaustive list. Have you thought about what you are thankful for?
Until next time...
I am thankful for...
1. My God who sent His son to die for my sins, and the sins of all the world.
2. The love and grace Jesus extends to me daily.
3. The answered prayers and miracles I have witnessed.
4. Forgiveness that only God could provide!
5. Continued blessings from God.
6. My sister who is wise beyond her years, and who has always been there for me in times of trouble.
7. My beautiful neice who is full of love, laughter, and sunshine. She rocks my world! :)
8. Almost 18 years with the best mom ever! She taught me so much, and shaped who I am today. I love you and miss you, Mom!
9. Loving Grandparents who taught me how to live for Christ.
10. My great aunt, Rayme, who has always been there for me and prayed for me even when I turned my back on her.
11. Teachers and college professors that truly cared if their students succeeded.
12. My all time best friend, who despite the miles that seperate us always makes sure I know she cares. :)
13. All my other friends who have taught me how to trust again.
14. The promise beautiful rainbows bring.
15. A sky full of bright stars.
16. The way a full moon lights your way in the dark.
17. The miracle of how leaves change colors in the Fall.
18. The magnificent colors displayed in a sunrise and sunset, and how no two are the same.
19. The privilege of reading the Bible to my neice.
20. The opportunity to work in a christian environment with my cousin.
21. The calm I feel in a warm bath!
22. The freedom to worship my God how I want, where I want, and when I want.
23. The privilege to teach young children during their formative years.
24. The gift of the Bible!
25. The awesome task of sharing Christ with others
I will stop there, for now. Yet this is in no way a complete list. I would write for the rest of my life if I tried to make an exhaustive list. Have you thought about what you are thankful for?
Until next time...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Count Your Many Blessings...
I am blessed beyond words! God has given me these trials for a reason, and although I do not know the reason why, I know they are needed. I am learning so much and growing stronger in my faith daily. For so long I was afraid to completely trust God. But since I confessed my fears to Him, and asked for help in trusting Him more fully, I am overwhelmed at the way He is blessing me!
When I was first "stuck" in bed, I asked God to show me what I could do to help others while in bed. The answer I kept getting was to pray. I didn't like that answer, at first. But once I opened myself to it and began asking friends and family how I could specifically pray for them...amazing things have been happening! In their lives and my own. I have seen prayers answered quickly. I have witnessed the miracle of a family member's cancer simply not being there anymore without medical treatment. Only God can do that!! And in my own life...i have a much healthier prayer life and my faith has increased because of seeing God working in their lives. Every single day I am awed by God's power!
And I know, that even though I am suffering, I am still able to witness to others and be a blessing to friends and family.
"May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." - 1 Peter 5:10
Meditate on that a while. It is astounding! :)
Until next time...
When I was first "stuck" in bed, I asked God to show me what I could do to help others while in bed. The answer I kept getting was to pray. I didn't like that answer, at first. But once I opened myself to it and began asking friends and family how I could specifically pray for them...amazing things have been happening! In their lives and my own. I have seen prayers answered quickly. I have witnessed the miracle of a family member's cancer simply not being there anymore without medical treatment. Only God can do that!! And in my own life...i have a much healthier prayer life and my faith has increased because of seeing God working in their lives. Every single day I am awed by God's power!
And I know, that even though I am suffering, I am still able to witness to others and be a blessing to friends and family.
"May the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." - 1 Peter 5:10
Meditate on that a while. It is astounding! :)
Until next time...
Monday, November 21, 2011
God -loves- me!
In the last four weeks or so God has really taught me a lot. About Him, His love, His will for my life, and many not so great qualities I possess have been pointed out. I have truly enjoyed the lessons, even the hard to swallow ones. One of the biggest things He has taught me is that He loves me, and will always be here to help me. That may sound like simple truths to you, but there is really nothing simple about it. Let's look at them each separately.
Everyone has heard all their lives that God and Jesus love them, but have you every really meditated on what that means? About the gravity of it? Jesus' whole purpose for becoming human and coming to this earth was to be crucified as a sacrifice and offering for our sins. He was perfect. Sinless, despite being tempted just as we are, and He suffered immensely through being tempted. Yet still, He was without sin. He suffered through His short 33 years here, yet never did He doubt His Father, nor did He turn from Him. He was led to Calvary like a sheep is led to the slaughter, and never opened His mouth. He endured a beating far worse than any other human could endure. He was mocked and bullied, and still He loved! When He hung on the cross His heart broke because of our sins. My sins! He felt the horrific weight of my sins. The guilt. The shame. The sadness. He not only bore my sins, but the sins of all humanity! Wow! Think about that for a bit. How amazing is that? And still thats not all. As His heart broke for us, He said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Really? He is dying on the cross and asking God to forgive the very people that killed Him!! And He asked for our forgiveness, too, because it was our sins that put Him there. That, my friends, is love! Pure, perfect love!
Now, the other thing I said He has taught me is that He will always help me in times of trouble. He has proven that to me repeatedly, and still I do not always get it. Shame on me!
I have been shown His love and caring time and time again. I feel it now more than ever before! And I am so thankful that He continues teaching me. I don't always see that there is a way to climb above the messes I make in my life. And then I have this gentle reminder that if I put mfaith and trust in Him, He will guide me through. And He does! It is when I choose to be stubborn that I really get into trouble, because I try to handle things on my own. I am learning, though, how to trust Him more, and it feels great when I succeed the first time! Granted, that doesn't happen often yet, but I will get there.
I -am- a work in progress. :)
Until next time...
Everyone has heard all their lives that God and Jesus love them, but have you every really meditated on what that means? About the gravity of it? Jesus' whole purpose for becoming human and coming to this earth was to be crucified as a sacrifice and offering for our sins. He was perfect. Sinless, despite being tempted just as we are, and He suffered immensely through being tempted. Yet still, He was without sin. He suffered through His short 33 years here, yet never did He doubt His Father, nor did He turn from Him. He was led to Calvary like a sheep is led to the slaughter, and never opened His mouth. He endured a beating far worse than any other human could endure. He was mocked and bullied, and still He loved! When He hung on the cross His heart broke because of our sins. My sins! He felt the horrific weight of my sins. The guilt. The shame. The sadness. He not only bore my sins, but the sins of all humanity! Wow! Think about that for a bit. How amazing is that? And still thats not all. As His heart broke for us, He said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Really? He is dying on the cross and asking God to forgive the very people that killed Him!! And He asked for our forgiveness, too, because it was our sins that put Him there. That, my friends, is love! Pure, perfect love!
Now, the other thing I said He has taught me is that He will always help me in times of trouble. He has proven that to me repeatedly, and still I do not always get it. Shame on me!
I have been shown His love and caring time and time again. I feel it now more than ever before! And I am so thankful that He continues teaching me. I don't always see that there is a way to climb above the messes I make in my life. And then I have this gentle reminder that if I put mfaith and trust in Him, He will guide me through. And He does! It is when I choose to be stubborn that I really get into trouble, because I try to handle things on my own. I am learning, though, how to trust Him more, and it feels great when I succeed the first time! Granted, that doesn't happen often yet, but I will get there.
I -am- a work in progress. :)
Until next time...
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Or...You May Scream! :)
Well hello again!
I find it interesting how the medicine I am taking seems to control my emotions. For the most part, I am generally happy. Then suddenly I am in full panic mode, and can't control it. Take earlier this evening for example. My dad brought me the mail from yesterday, and there was a package from the neurosurgeons office with pre-registration forms and such. It also talks about payments. It says that the deductible must be paid up front, and if surgery is required, then all patient fees are to be paid prior to surgery. Really? That will at least be $5000. Oh did I mention I do not have that kind of money? I wouldn't have it even if I had been able to work the last month, but I sure don't have it now! What normal person has that kind of money just laying around? Seriously!
Well. I had a mini freak out session. You know the kind where you complain about your circumstances, as if it is someone elses fault. You question every little thing needlessly because it is the weekend and you can't get answers until Monday - if then. And the best part of the mini freak out? The tears!! You cry as if the world has completely mistreated you. What? Don't even try to tell me that you haven't done that before! I am NOT the only loon in this world! Oh, and then...? It all goes away just as quickly as it came about. Now, I know for certain a large part of that is because of the medicine. I didn't do this nearly so bad until I started these pain meds..
Another yucky thing about the meds is that after taking such a high dose for this amount of time..they start making you itch. Then, if you are lucky...you get a rash! Oh, and if you scratch when it itches, it only makes it itch more. But if you are strong enough not to scratch, it goes away much faster. Yeah, so, I have several lil red, rashy places. It's greatness!
I know I am being sarcastic about all of this, but sometimes you just have to laugh and make jokes. Or else...
You will end up screaming. Then people really think you are crazy. Don't believe me? Go ahead, try it. Let me know how that goes for you, ok? Heh!
Until next time...
I find it interesting how the medicine I am taking seems to control my emotions. For the most part, I am generally happy. Then suddenly I am in full panic mode, and can't control it. Take earlier this evening for example. My dad brought me the mail from yesterday, and there was a package from the neurosurgeons office with pre-registration forms and such. It also talks about payments. It says that the deductible must be paid up front, and if surgery is required, then all patient fees are to be paid prior to surgery. Really? That will at least be $5000. Oh did I mention I do not have that kind of money? I wouldn't have it even if I had been able to work the last month, but I sure don't have it now! What normal person has that kind of money just laying around? Seriously!
Well. I had a mini freak out session. You know the kind where you complain about your circumstances, as if it is someone elses fault. You question every little thing needlessly because it is the weekend and you can't get answers until Monday - if then. And the best part of the mini freak out? The tears!! You cry as if the world has completely mistreated you. What? Don't even try to tell me that you haven't done that before! I am NOT the only loon in this world! Oh, and then...? It all goes away just as quickly as it came about. Now, I know for certain a large part of that is because of the medicine. I didn't do this nearly so bad until I started these pain meds..
Another yucky thing about the meds is that after taking such a high dose for this amount of time..they start making you itch. Then, if you are lucky...you get a rash! Oh, and if you scratch when it itches, it only makes it itch more. But if you are strong enough not to scratch, it goes away much faster. Yeah, so, I have several lil red, rashy places. It's greatness!
I know I am being sarcastic about all of this, but sometimes you just have to laugh and make jokes. Or else...
You will end up screaming. Then people really think you are crazy. Don't believe me? Go ahead, try it. Let me know how that goes for you, ok? Heh!
Until next time...
Just A Little Background
Hello all you blogger friends!
Since this is my first post, I will give you some background information about me and my life. :) I am 30 years old and am the Director of my church's preschool. I am also teaching the three year old class this year. This is my fourth year to teach there, but my first to teach three year olds. Every other year I have taught the fours. This is also my second year as the Director. I live in a small town, and the preschool is only open two days a week, so the rest of the days are spent taking care of director duties. I love my job, and adore the children even more!
I haven't been able to work since October 20th. I had been having back pain for several months and it finally got to the point where I could barely stand, walk, or sit without being in excrutiating pain. After a few ER vists, doctor visits, xrays, CT scans, and an MRI we finally had an answer to what was causing the pain. I have two severely herniated discs, and am awaiting a visit with a neurosurgeon. Until then, I am on mandatory bedrest. It has been a month already, and will be another before my appointment December 13th.
It is a long time to be in bed, but I am making the most of it! :) I have been reading my Bible a lot more and spending more time in prayer. My relationship with God is better than ever before! And it is all because He never gave up on me.
Through this blog I hope to pass the time quicker, as well as satisfy my hunger for writing. I hope to be humorous at times as I tell about my daily adventures. Yet, also be strikingly honest.
We shall see how it goes. :)
Today, so far, has been a good day. I woke with much less pain than yesterday. My neice spent the night last night, so we had some snuggle time this morning. Then she helped me fold and put away laundry, and re-arrange some pictures and trinkets in my room. She loves helping! We had to move some stuff around because my brother in law (her daddy) is going to move a TV into my room so I can watch TV some and not be quite so bored. Very nice of him! :) As I said before, I read a lot, but one can only read so much before becoming bored. I am so thankful to have family so close that care so much about me and my well-being. I have truly been blessed!
Until next time! :)
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